Building Couple Time Tip:
How Creating a “Date State” VS just a “Date Night” can help you feel closer than ever even in your own backyard.
Many couples with young children may feel frustrated, exhausted and overwhelmed with the never-ending “To Do” lists that come with a growing family. To make things worse, people often feel like they’ve been pushed aside, neglected and may not feel understood by their partner.
As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for over 25 years, I have to admit I’ve often given advice to couples with young children to carve out couple time for a date night. For many couples today, this seems to be more of a chore then it’s worth. It often takes time and money to find a babysitter, and tired couples don’t always have the time or energy to plan for a baby sitter and a fancy date night.
Here’s the good news! It’s really more about creating a Date State versus just a date night. A date state could be as easy as the two of you sitting in your own backyard or a cozy place in your home, while your kids are tucked away in their beds. There you both are, sitting together asking about your day, “How are you, really?” “What’s new in your life or job?” Of course, all electronics are turned off, so you can tune into your partner and not your device. When you listen to your partner with curiosity and interest it let’s them know, “ You’re important to me”, “I care about you”, “I value what you’re saying”. This is the Date State, filled with a positive attitude, interest and curiosity in your partner, and taking the time to actually listen to them. Doing this on a consistent, weekly basis can help you feel closer, loved and more connected in your relationships.
Carving out time for your date state is not only a consistent reminder that, I do care about you, but it can also serve as a buffer during the rest of the week when your trying to manage family time and work.
Please comment on how you created your date state. Thank you for sharing your creative and practical ideas with the Building Couple Time Community.